Truth Hurts
by carlycarter
Summary: StevieRose Fic, set after the big reveal
1. Chapter 1

Rose sat at the table with her parents. Well those two people she had always thought were her parents. That was until six months ago when she had learned the truth. That her Aunty Stevie who she had always adored and looked up to as a big sister, was in fact her birth mother. Rose could still recall that day. She didn't let herself think about it often. It was too painful.

It all started when Rose found the bracelet in Stevie's draw. Rose hadn't meant to snoop, only to put the washing away. But there it was, the little pink bracelet "baby of Stephanie hall". Rose recalled the shock, the confusion. Stevie had a baby? What had happened to the baby? She turned over all sorts of possibilities in her mind, did the baby die? Why hadn't Stevie ever told her about it?

Rose remembered vividly the afternoon she had asked Stevie about it. And as Stevie began to talk about her baby daughter, and how she had given her away, Rose could see the pain in her eyes. But there were no answers to the questions. How could Stevie have given her daughter away? Why didn't Stevie want her baby?

Then there was that moment. That moment that it all clicked; that moment that the dreaded thought first occurred to Rose- the baby was her. Stevie gave her away, never wanted her, never loved her. Sure Stevie said a lot of things, how she had loved Rose and only wanted the best for her…. But actions speak louder than words. And Stevie had given her away.

Even since that day Stevie had called once a week. Every week, without fail, on Saturday afternoon at four o'clock. Every Saturday afternoon Michelle would answer the phone. Every Saturday afternoon Michelle would say "It's for you Rose" and offer the phone to her. Every Saturday afternoon Rose would silently walk away. And every Saturday afternoon Michelle would pass on this message from Stevie to Rose "I love you Rose."

At first Michelle didn't talk long to Stevie during these calls. There was still tension between the two sisters. Michelle wished Rose had never discovered the truth. Rose tried to reassure Michelle that she didn't care less who her birth mother was. It was Michelle who raised her, who had been there every step of her life, who had never let her down. And week after week after Stevie had asked to speak to Rose, and Rose had refused, Michelle and Stevie would speak for longer and longer.

Rose didn't really want to know at first what they were talking about. She didn't want to have anything to do with Stevie. One day she snuck into the hallway without Michelle knowing. She didn't want Michelle thinking she was interested in what Stevie had to say, because she wasn't. She could hear Michelle telling Stevie about the things Rose had done that week, the school play she had been in, the A+ on her English assignment, her new boyfriend, her blue ribbon in the riding competition, the new pair of jeans that Rose brought that week. All pretty boring everyday stuff. But Rose was so angry that Michelle had told Stevie anything about her. It was a bit late now for Stevie to decide that she cared. All those years she never thought twice about Rose. She was just off having a good time, moving from place to place. Half of the time Rose didn't even know where she was. Stevie only cared when it suited her.

Rose often wished that if she had to be adopted, that her birth mother was a total stranger. Then Rose would be free to hate her and it wouldn't hurt so much. But Stevie had been one of her favorite people in the entire world. Someone that she had trusted, and loved and admired. Someone she thought she could count on. Someone she had always pictured as being part of her life. And that's why being rejected by her and given away as a baby was all the more painful to her.

Rose never spoke about Stevie after that day she found out the truth. She didn't want anyone to know she still thought about it. She tried to pretend it didn't bother her at all, and that she just wanted to get on with her life and pretend Stevie had never existed. And that's exactly what she had done. And she managed pretty well. Except for every Saturday at four o'clock when that phone rang. Every Saturday except for this Saturday.

Michelle hadn't commented on the fact that Stevie hadn't called this week. She must have noticed though. Stevie called every week without fail. Rose didn't want to bring it up. She didn't want Michelle to think she had noticed that Stevie hadn't called, she didn't want Michelle to think she cared about Stevie or even thought about her. She didn't want anyone to know that, because she spent so much time trying to convince herself she didn't care.

Rose imagined that Stevie had got bored of calling, bored of telling Rose that she loved her. Rose guessed it wasn't true after all. Stevie didn't love her when she was a baby and didn't love her now. And that's why she stopped calling. Rose tried to pretend it didn't bother her that Stevie hadn't called. But it felt to her like she had been rejected again, just the way she was rejected when Stevie gave her away all those years ago.

"Rose is everything alright?" Michelle asked her "You have been very quiet and you haven't eaten much"

Rose looked down at her plate and quietly whispered "It's Saturday……..and she didn't call."


	2. Chapter 2

Her parents, her adopted parents, didn't respond to Rose's statement. She had kinda expected them to say something. Rose regretted blurting that out almost immediately. Especially now that it seemed she wouldn't be rewarded with any information. She tried her best to cover up.

"Thank goodness she got sick of calling all the time. I guess we can just forget all about her now." Rose added quickly.

Still her parents said nothing, but Rose noticed them exchange a bizarre glance, and her father cleared his throat in that way he always did when he was hiding something. He really wasn't that good at covering things up. Like that time when she was five and she had asked him if there really was a Santa clause.

"Would you like some more potatoes Rose?" Michelle asked her. Rose always though of her as "Michelle" now. She still called her "mum" to her face when the situation demanded it, but when she could avoid saying that word, she did. She couldn't quite break that habit of calling her "mum" out loud, and it would have broken Michelle's heart if she had. But inside her head it just wasn't right anymore. Inside her head she was now "Michelle".

"Sure, Thanks" Rose responded, although she didn't really want any more potatoes, she hadn't even eaten the ones on her plate yet.

The moment was interrupted by a knock on the door. Michelle got up to answer it. Rose looked across to her father. The only father she had ever known. He was starring down at his plate avoiding eye contact with her. He hadn't eaten much either, he was just pushing the food round his plate with the fork.

Michelle came back into the dining room, but she wasn't alone. Mrs Miller was with her. Rose sighed. This just wasn't her day. What was she doing here? Mrs Miller was the mother of Rose's best friend Alison. Actually that was Roses 'ex- best – friend'. Rose smiled politely at Mrs Miller and tried to excuse herself from the table "I have a lot of homework to do…" Rose started.

"Rose, Have you seen Alison, she didn't come home last night, and no one has heard from her, her mother is very worried." Michelle asked her.

"No I haven't seen her." Rose answered. It was the truth, she hadn't seen Alison all week. But her voice was shaking and she knew she sounded less than convincing.

"Oh Rose, please tell me where my daughter is. I know the two of you are so close. Her father and I are very worried." Mrs Miller pleaded with her.

"I wish I could help you, but I haven't seen her or heard from her all week." Rose answered truthfully.

"If you know where she is you must tell us Rose. This is very serious." Michelle told her sternly.

Rose hadn't told Michelle about the fight with Alison, or that the two former best friends were now no longer on speaking terms. Michelle wouldn't have understood what could have happened to cause the two friends to fall out. They had been inseparable since kindergarten. It was all too hard to explain so Rose just hadn't bothered. Mrs Miller started crying and Michelle took her off into the kitchen for a cup of tea. Rose seized the opportunity to run upstairs.

After her parents had gone to bed Rose had heard them talking. The walls were thin. They talked about Alison. Wondering where she was. Why had she disappeared. How frightening it was for her parents not to know where she was or if she was ok. How terrible it must be for Rose to be worried about her missing friend. Rose wondered what they would think if they knew what had happened between her and Alison.

Then the conversation changed subject.

"Maybe we should have told Rose…. about Stevie….." Her father began.

"No." Michelle interrupted with certainty. "Not yet, let's just wait and see..."

This caused a major dilemma. Rose was torn between intense curiosity, the desire to burst into her parents room and demand to be told whatever it is they were keeping from her… 'Tell me what? Wait and see what?.' But if she did that, then her parents would think she cared. And she didn't want them to think that she cared anything about Stevie to even be curious as to why she never called this week. But even more than she didn't want people to think she cared, what she wanted most of all was to not be able to care. But she couldn't help it. She did care……about Stevie, and about Alison. All she had wanted was to finally get on with her life, and pretend the last six months never happened. At least that's what she tried to tell herself she wanted. But more and more she was beginning to realize that it just wasn't possible.


	3. Chapter 3

Rose had a feeling she would find Alison at her boyfriend's house. She couldn't believe that her parents hadn't thought to look there first. The yard was a mess, the grass was in need of mowing, there were overgrown weeds all over the place, and the letter box was missing. The front door was open, but Rose still knocked. Austin, Alison's boyfriend greeted her at the door. He was still in his PJ's- and it was lunch time.

"Oh hi Ruth." He greeted her

"It's Rose." She reminded him.

"Oh yeah, come in. Ali's out the back" He called over his shoulder as he retreated into the house.

Rose surveyed the house, it was a dump really, clothes thrown across the place, dishes in the sink that looked like they had been there for months, and there was loud music coming from one of the rooms.

She had seen Alison sitting out the back.

"Ali?" She called to her hesitantly.

Alison turned around slowly. A smile spread across her face as she saw Rose.

"Rosie!" She exclaimed as she jumped to her feet and hugged the girl.

Rose hugged her friend. In spite of their disagreement, Ali was her best friend. And Rose was relieved that she was alright.

"Are you ok Ali? Your parents are looking for you, they are worried. You can't just disappear like that" Rose told her friend

"You can talk Rosie, what about that time you ran away to visit your Aunt in the country…I mean your mum." Ali corrected herself.

Rose shuddered as she heard Ali's words. She wasn't used to people talking about Stevie as her mother. Alison was the only person, outside of family, that Rose had confided in about Stevie being her mother. Everyone at Drovers Run knew of course. Stevie had told them all, and even if she hadn't they would have figured it out from all the screaming that Rose had done about it before she left.

"So what are you doing here?" Rose asked her again. "Your parents are worried."

"I just couldn't face them." Ali said sadly as she looked away from Rose.

"Why not?" Rose asked

"You know why Rose." Ali insisted quietly

Yes Rose knew why. Ali was pregnant.

"But I thought they didn't know about it? I thought you weren't going to tell them." Rose reminded the girl.

She thought back to the day that Ali had told her she was pregnant. Rose couldn't hide her shock. She was stunned that Ali hadn't been more careful. Ali was always the sensible one, Rose was the reckless one. But that changed when Austin came on the scene. Rose was shocked at the news that Ali was pregnant, but the biggest shock was when Ali told her she planned to have an abortion. Rose was horrified. "You can't do that Ali" She screamed at her friend. It was that day that Rose had told Ali about Stevie being her mother, and how Stevie had got pregnant at 15, and gave Rose away.

Rose pleaded with Ali to find another way. The thought occurred to Rose that if Stevie had taken the easy option out, then Rose wouldn't even be here today. Rose had been caught up in her own pain about being given away, she hadn't stopped to think about what it must have been like, what it really must have been like, to be so young and pregnant.

"Shh" Ali told her, "I don't want Austin to hear us talking. I haven't told him about the baby yet. He would kick me out if he found out."

"How can you not tell him?" Rose asked. "Or your parents? I'm sure they would help you Ali." Rose told her.

"No. I can't tell them Rose" Ali insisted. This conversation was pointless, they had been over it all before. "And don't you dare tell anyone Rose."

"I wont" Rose answered. "I promised I wouldn't and I keep my promises, you know that Ali. So, are you still going to go through with …it?" Rose asked. She couldn't say the word. She hoped Ali would have a chance to re consider.

"I don't know Rosie, I don't know what to do, there is no other choice.' The girl burst into tears. Rose hugged her friend. She didn't like the choices that Ali was making, but Ali was still her best friend.

It was then Rose had her idea. It was perfect. Maybe Ali could talk to Stevie, and Stevie could help her sort things out, after all Stevie had been in the same situation. Rose was sure Stevie wouldn't mind doing this. Stevie wouldn't turn someone in need away, this much Rose knew for sure. And then Ali would see that its not impossible, that there are other options for her. Plus it would give Rose an excuse to talk to Stevie and make sure she was ok, without sounding like she cared.

Rose suggested the idea, and Ali agreed. What did she have to lose? Ali agreed to talk to Stevie but she told Rose she wasn't making any promises about that she would decide to do. Rose accepted this, and the plans began. Ali went home, told her parents she had lost track of time at a friends house. Her parents accepted this, they were just happy she was safe. The timing was perfect. The school camp was on Monday. Both girls packed their bags for camp. But instead of getting on that school bus, they got on the bus to Gungellan. And that's how the two of them ended up on the bus stop at the Gungellan Road.


	4. Chapter 4

Rose and Ali walked along the road to Drovers. Rose hadn't remembered it taking so long last time. They heard a car and Rose sighed in relief. County people were well known to be friendly, and she was sure they could get a lift. The car pulled to a stop and the girls raced towards it.

"Rose, what on earth are you doing hitch hiking, didn't anyone tell you its dangerous!"

Rose hung her head as she Jodi yelled at her.

"Well it was kind of an emergency" Rose started to explain.

"Who's your friend?" Jodi asked

Rose introduced Alison and Jodi, and Jodi ordered them to get in the car.

"So what are you doing here, does your...uh ..mother know you are here?" Jodi asked

"No" Rose answered. She wasn't sure if Jodi was referring to Michelle or Stevie, but it didn't matter as neither one knew of her plans to visit Drovers with Ali. "Its kind of a surprise, you see."

Jodi was very quiet on the trip to Drovers, and Rose remembered her being a very talkative sort of person.

"I think this was a bad idea Rose" Ali whispered to her as they got out of the car.

"Nah don't worry about Jodi, she's cool. She must be having a bad day or something." Rose told her "I can't wait for you to meet Aunty Stevie, she's so cool, I know you'll love her."

It felt strange to Rose to call her "Aunty Stevie", but that was what she had always been. And even thought she had been hurt and angry, she had always looked up to Stevie. Stevie was a cool person, and she genuinely believed that she and Ali would get on.

Alison looked around at the property "Wow, it's so beautiful out here" She remarked

"Yeah I love it here. Aunty Stevie practically owns this place. And wait til you see her ride a horse, you won't believe how fast she is." Rose continued. Somehow the fact that this visit was about Ali and not about her and Stevie, it seemed to take the pressure off a bit. Rose found herself focused not on all the issues of the past, but on helping Ali. And with all those issues gone, Rose was starting to remember all the reasons that Stevie had always been her hero.

The girls went inside, where Ali was introduced to Kate, and they were fed a lot of biscuits. They didn't mind this as they hadn't packed much food for the trip. In fact they hadn't planned the trip out very much at all. But now they were here, and Rose was certain it was the right thing to come.

Kate and Jodi didn't talk much, and Rose briefly thought to herself that this was odd. Eventually Jodi suggested that the girls should call their parents. Both girls protested this, and Rose insisted they had to speak to Stevie first. Before this discussion could continue further, they heard a car pull up outside. Jodi rushed out leaving Kate with the two teenagers.

"Maybe that's her now" Rose said hopefully.

"Um I don't think it is" Kate told her hesitantly.

It was then Tess entered the kitchen "Hello Rose" She said. She didn't seem surprised to see Rose and gathered that Jodi had raced out and told her that the girls were here. Again Rose introduced Alison, and Tess greeted her. By this time Kate had bolted from the kitchen.

"I think perhaps you should call your parents" Tess suggested.

Ali rolled her eyes "You said they would be cool Rose" She mumbled.

"Well Stevie is my parent, and I want to speak to her now. Come on Tess, we will call after we talk to Stevie, its important believe me. I know I was not nice to her last time I was here, but I'm not here to start another fight. I need her help with something. And I know she'd want to help me." Rose explained.

"Yes Rose, Stevie is your mother, and yes I am sure she would love to help you. But..." Tess' voice trailed off. She wasn't sure how to say this, or even that it was her place to say it. She had called Michelle herself to tell her, and couldn't believe that Michelle hadn't told Rose. She didn't see any way out of it; she would have to say something. The two girls were looking expectantly at her..."Rose...There's been an accident." Tess finished quietly.


	5. Chapter 5

Rose sat by Stevie's bedside. She looked like she was only sleeping. There were all sorts of tubes and beeping machines attached, and her face was pale, but other than that she was the same old Stevie. Rose reached out and touched her hand, it was warm.

She thought back to hours ago when Tess had told her there had been an accident. Everything from that point was a blur. She had even lost track of Ali somewhere in the process. And she wondered briefly if the parents had been called to come and collect them. Why hadn't Michele told her about the accident? She had a right to know.

All of a sudden Rose recalled the last conversations she had with Stevie. What if those were the last words she ever got the chance to say to her? What if she could never take them back, or say I'm sorry or I love you? Rose remembered the day she left Drovers with Michelle. She remembered Stevie telling her about the letter she wrote. The letter to Rose. Stevie had burnt it, but she recited it to Rose as it had long ago become engraved on her heart. Rose had only heard it that one time, and she pretended not to be listening. But every word was engraved on her heart too ...

_"...to my precious baby Rose..."_

And Rose had silently got in the car, drove away, and never looked back.

She would give anything to have that moment back, or any of those moments since then, those days Steve called, every week, and Rose wouldn't even speak to her. And now Stevie was in a coma, and had been for days. Everyone was saying she might never wake up. Maybe Rose would never get another chance to speak to her. Or to hear her voice. And Rose supposed it served her right.

She heard someone walk in the room, and turned to find Alex behind her.

"Rose I'm so glad you're here." He sat beside her.

The day she found out the truth Alex had been so nice to her. He had understood. His parents had lied to him too. And she thought of him as a friend since that day. Someone she could trust.

"Really?" She asked him

"Yes. I know how much it means to Stevie that you are here." He told her.

"I doubt that" Rose replied "I've been so awful to her. I told her I hated her and I never wanted to speak to her again" Rose admitted quietly.

"Its ok, she understood you were upset. You are still the most important person in the world to her" Alex told her.

"Do you think?" Rose asked fighting back tears. The reason she had been so hurt was because she thought Stevie hadn't cared about her. And deep down that's all she really wanted to know, that her mother loved her. 

"Trust me, I know these things." Alex smiled.

"Do you think she can hear me?" Rose asked.

"I don't know" Alex shrugged "But I reckon she can."

Rose looked back to the lifeless figure in the bed. She thought of all the unspoken words, all the things she wanted to say, and to ask, and to hear. And it was all too overwhelming.

"I think I better get going." Rose announced as she got up.

"Come on I'll buy you guys dinner in the cafeteria" Alex offered. 

Rose had forgotten Tess was outside, and when they left the room Rose saw that Ali was there too. Ali hugged her friend and they headed to the cafeteria. Rose wasn't hungry, but she tried to make an effort to eat since Alex had brought dinner for her. He was a sweet guy.

When Tess left to go to the bathroom Rose noticed Alex staring at her, as if he wanted to say something.

"What?" She asked him.

"I'm so sorry Rose" He whispered. 

"What do you mean?" Rose asked confused.

"It was just an accident. I swear, I didn't see her, it was just a crazy accident." He told her.

"What?" Rose asked "It was you? You did this to her? How could you!" Rose got up and ran from the table, with Ali following after her.

That was the question Alex asked himself over and over, how could this have happened? It was all his fault. And he wouldn't be able to live with himself if Stevie didn't make it. Rose was right to hate him. He hated himself also. And he would give anything to turn back time and change the events of that night.


	6. Chapter 6

Tess promptly followed after the girls. She found them sitting in the courtyard outside the hospital

"Are you ok Rose?" Ali asked. "Don't worry, I'm sure your mum will be ok."

"Yeah" Rose mumbled. "I'm sorry Ali I guess this trip was a waste of time."

"Yeah" Ali responded. "So what are we going to do now?"

Rose shrugged her shoulders and Ali kicked the ground with her feet.

"There you are" Tess interrupted them. The girls didn't even turn to face her. "Come on, let's go back to Drovers. I'm sure you are tired."

Ali looked to Rose, this whole trip was her idea. Rose shrugged her shoulders. They didn't have many options left at that moment, and it was freezing sitting here outside the hospital. "Ok" Rose answered.

Tess smiled "Good, come on then. I'm sure Jodi could use some help this afternoon with her jobs."

Once they were in the car Tess turned to Rose "I know you are upset Rose, but please don't be so hard on Alex. It really was an accident. And…"

"Stop" Rose interrupted "I don't want to hear about it"

Alex entered into the small chapel in the hospital. He'd never been much into church. Only occasionally as a child when his parents forced him to attend at Christmas. He wasn't even sure he believed in God. This God who had pulled the rug out from under him so many times in his life. How could there be a God that was so heartless?

"_You've had a bloody good life Alex Ryan_". He recalled Claire's words to him. She never let him feel sorry for himself. And she was right. His life had been good. He had everything money could buy.

And more. He had a brother that always stood by him. And he'd been lucky enough to find love, real love, twice.

But God had let Nick get on that bull that day in the rodeo. And Nick had been injured permanently. Not to mention the damage to the relationships within the entire Ryan family. No one had been the same after that day. And Alex knew it had been his fault.

And standing in another hospital today, another innocent life he had endangered through his own stupidity, all those feelings and memories cam rushing back. Listening to Rose speak to him…he knew she was so young, she was upset, but still, she spoke the truth, and it served to remind him what others were probably thinking but too polite to say…it was his fault.

His first love, the woman who held his heart in this life and the next, was gone. God had taken Claire from him. On the day he was going to ask her to spend the rest of his life with him. Couldn't God have waited one more day?

And just as he felt he couldn't lose anymore, God had taken BOM away from him too. Watching her call Peter "Daddy", and watching Julia mothering her….it was all so wrong, so unjust.

Then there was Stevie. Just when he felt he could never love anyone again. Just when he thought he would never feel that same peace and joy that he had with Claire. Just when he had given up on love, on life, on happiness…that's when Stevie had come along. Well, they had been mates forever. But something changed recently. And just like Claire, it seemed Alex was destined to loose her before they even had a chance to get started. How could God take Stevie from him too?

But today, right now, it was impossible to put the blame on God, it would have been easier if he could. But the accident was his fault. If Stevie died it would be his fault. And he couldn't stand to lose one more person from his life.

So Alex Ryan, who on the one hand didn't believe in God, and on the other hand blamed God for all the pain in his life…Alex Ryan sat in the chapel, and prayed.

Ali and Rose were very quiet when they returned to Drovers. Tess tried to engage the girls in conversation, but with not much success. That's when the phone rang. It was Ali's parents. They were on their way to come and collect the girls.

Ali's eyes widened in fear. "Rose, now what?" She pleaded. She wanted to add that this whole stupid trip idea of Rose had been a dumb idea. But remembering that Rose's mother was in the hospital she decided to be a little nicer.

"Maybe you should tell them Ali? " Rose suggested, not entirely sure that was the right thing to do, but out of other ideas.

"Maybe I can help if you tell me what the problem is?" Tess offered. The girls had almost forgotten she was in the room.

Ali looked over to Rose for some direction, Rose looked over to Tess. Tess seemed like the sort of person they could trust with something like this, and since Stevie wasn't here, it was the best they were going to get for the moment. Rose nodded back at her friend. Ali decided it would be a lot easier telling this complete stranger than having to tell her parents. And before she realized she had blurted out the entire situation to Tess.

That's how Ali had come to the decision to confide in her parents about her pregnancy. Tess was going to help her tell them. And maybe Tess could help them understand. Rose was there to support her also, so Ali decided it was now or never.

Tess invited Ali's parents in to the house. After Ali's mother had hugged Rose and Ali several times, and told them never to do anything so stupid ever again, Tess announced that Ali had something to tell her parents. They all sat around the table.

"What is it Alison?" Her father asked.

"We really need to get back on the road Alison" He mother added.

Ali thought about the million ways she could break the news to them, and thought about telling them the reason that her and Rose had come here. Ali looked over to Tess, and to Rose, and feeling like she was supported, she finally blurted out to her parents

"I'm pregnant"

"I see" Her father answered coldly "Yes we figured as much." He stood up and left the room.

Ali looked over to her mother. "We warned you about this sort of thing Alison. You have made your choice, now you will have to live with it. We told you what would happen if you ever came home pregnant, so don't look surprised. You're on your own now, don't come running to me looking for help."

Tess ran after her, in complete disbelief of what she just heard. "Ali is your daughter, she came to you because she needs your support, you can't walk out on her like this!" Tess called out, but Ali's mother didn't even turn around.

Ali couldn't quite believe it at first. Had her parents really abandoned her? Just like that? Then as she heard the car driving away she began to cry. Tess came back in the house and turned her attention to the sobbing girl, hugging her, and telling her it would be ok. Rose watched on bewildered. How could Ali's parents have done that? How could her own grandparent have done that to Stevie? Rose sat beside her friend and held her hand, and wished for the hundredth time that day that Stevie would wake up.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex sat by Stevie's bedside. He tried to shut it out of his mind. He didn't succeed. Everything about that day was permanently etched on his brain. It was a feeling of absolute horror, equal to that he experienced the day he lost Claire. The stuff nightmares are made of. But this was terribly real. That feeling of blackness was something he only ever wanted to experience once, he never thought he would stand anywhere close to feeling it again.

This time seemed somehow worse. Maybe because it was ongoing. Stevie hadn't been suddenly snatched away like Claire, she was precariously hanging by thread, her life dangled right in front of him. He tried to reach out, to save her. But he was powerless. He could only sit and watch as she drifter further and further away. Each day the possibility of her coming back to him seeing more distant and unreal. To sit and watch her fade away like this was torture, but he couldn't walk away.

Her blood was on his hands. Maybe the guilt that weighed on him made this time so much harder to cope with. Or maybe it was just the fact that this compounded so many other losses in his life. This time he knew he couldn't go on. If he lost Stevie, there would be nothing left of him.

He watched her softly breathing. He twirled her curly red hair through his fingers. He traced the lining of her face, her skin was so warm. She looked so innocent. So beautiful. So perfect. Even lying here in this place, she looked like a princess to him.

He talked to her, whispered, cried, screamed, sang. She lay there, motionless. Did she hear him? What was going on inside her mind? He would have given anything to know what she was thinking.

He felt as if he would stop breathing if he lost her, as if he would stop breathing if it meant he could save her. But he couldn't save her, he couldn't reach her. She was in a far off place and nothing he did could call her to come back.

He prayed, for her to wake, for her to be ok. It was all that mattered. Even though he wasn't sure what would happen if she woke up. If she would forgive him...for the accident...for what happened before the accident...for everything...

That day haunted him. He played it over and over in his mind. He wasn't even sure if he remembered correctly. The details meshed together, the sights, the sounds, the emotions. It all collided into one big mess in his mind, and he could no longer make out the truth from fantasy.

That day had been so perfect to begin with. He always started out remembering how perfect that day had begun. The sky was so blue. He heard the wind whistling through the trees. Yes, it had been windy. He wondered that the trees hadn't fallen over, that that stupid tree house hadn't been blown apart like dust.

That tree house. Their castle.

He had gone there looking for her that day. He wasn't sure why. He didn't know why he was drawn there. Only that he was.

They had been talking about it only days earlier. He wanted to tear it down. It was so old. Broken pieces of wood, dirty, dusty, covered in cobwebs. He couldn't even stand up inside without hitting his head. He wanted to build a new one, a stronger place, bigger, brighter, better. She looked over to him horrified.

"_Alex you can't tear it down, it's my castle" She told him with a gleam in her eyes._

_He laughed at her._

"_Some castle, cowgirl! I'll build you a better castle than this" He told her proudly as his smacked his hands against the dirty dusty old wood._

"_But I like this one." She insisted. _

_He shrugged his shoulders and smiled at her. If she wanted it, it was hers. _

They had stumbled upon that stupid old tree house on Drovers Run. Alex wondered who built it? When? Why? Did Claire and Tess play here as children? Or Jodi? He never did ask Tess about it.

It was mounted in the perfect tree, with a spectacular view of Drovers. Of endless open spaces.

"_It feels like the top of the world" She told him looking out the gap in the wooden planks that served as a window. Then she turned to face him "Nothing can touch us here"_

_He looked back at her with puzzlement in his eyes. What on earth could have touched them? They were together, that was all they needed. Nothing could touch them now. _

He hadn't thought that much of it at the time, beyond it being one of those bizarre Stevie things to say. He hadn't thought much about that place at the time, beyond that for some strange reason it made her eyes light up. He hadn't understood at the time, what that place meant to her, the significance it held, or what it would come to mean to them only days later.

He would give anything to turn back the clock, to be there again in that moment, with his princess, in their castle on top of the world. But that moment was dead. And it was now impossible to remember that place in any positive way. Because that place was where it all started. And ended. Their castle had become the place of his worst nightmares.


	8. Chapter 8

-1Rose rode along the fence line of Drovers. She hadn't told anyone where she was going. She hadn't even asked if it was ok to borrow the horse. She knew the Drovers rules about riding off on your own. But she needed to be alone. To think.

Michelle had arrived at Drovers last night. Rose wasn't sure what she had expected. Tess and Michelle talked for some time. Ali and Rose tries to listen through the door, but didn't hear much. Until they were summoned into the room

Before Michelle had the chance to speak Rose had told her "I'm not going home with you."

Ali looked away wishing she was in another place, she had enough of her own family problems without being put in the middle of Rose and Michelle's argument. It was then that Tess stepped in to offer Michelle that she and the girls stay in the cottage for the night. 

To Rose's surprise, Michelle agreed, and the three of them headed to the cottage. Ali excused herself and headed to bed pretty soon after that. That's when Michelle started in at Rose how dangerous it was to run away like that.

Rose answered back that Michelle should have told her about the accident.

That was the end of that issue. Neither the girls running away, nor Michelle's silence about the accident were to be mentioned again that night.

"Its real nice of you to let Ali stay with us" Rose spoke quietly. She figured it was better to go there than to go with 'you're not my real mother', which was on the tip of her tongue.

"Well, I can hardly turn her out onto the street" Michelle responded.

"Like you did to my mother?" Rose asked innocently.

Colour drained from Michelle's face. "It wasn't like that darling, it is very complicated." Michelle stuttered.

"Complicated?" Repeated Rose, unimpressed. "Well Ali's situation is complicated too. What will happen to her now?"

"I don't know Rose." Michelle admitted. "And it really isn't our responsibility."

"Nothing is ever your responsibility" Rose said bitterly.

"Excuse me? I made you my responsibility, I am the one who fed and clothed you, looked after you when you were sick, I gave everything to you Rose." 

Rose couldn't think of a suitable reply. It was true, Michelle had done all that for her.

"Ali is my friend" Rose said

"Well she made some stupid decisions" Michelle stated simply.

"Like Stevie did?"

"Well, yes." Michelle admitted. "She's my sister and I love her, but yes she made some stupid choices in her life."

"How can you talk about her like that when she is lying in hospital? How can you talk about her stupid choices at all? I wouldn't even be here at all if it wasn't for her "stupid choices", but maybe that would make you happy." Rose cried, the anger and hurt evident in her shaky voice.

"Rose that's not what I meant, and you know it." Michelle stated. But Rose had already turned her back on the conversation. She had borrowed the horse and headed off to clear her mind.

Her feelings of anger and betrayal towards Stevie were not new. But now she had come to see Michelle's part in all this, her part in keeping this secret for all these years, her part in allowing it to happen in the first place. She loved them both, Stevie and Michelle, but she was still so hurt by all that had happened. She might never get the chance to make things right with Stevie, and somehow tonight it seemed easier to blame Michelle for that, than to accept the truth, that it was Rose herself who had pushed Stevie away time and time again.

Rose thought of Alex. Alex in the hospital room, sitting by her side as she visited with Stevie. Alex comforting her that day she had found out the truth about Stevie. Alex being the only one who understood, the only one who listened to her, the only one she trusted. And now she found out he had been the one to hurt Stevie like this. Maybe there just wasn't anyone on this planet worthy of trust. Rose had learned that lesson the hard way. 

Rose rode furiously with these thoughts echoing in her mind. She wasn't sure what it was that made her pull the horse up at the tree house. Or what had made her get off the horse, and compelled her to climb the rope ladder to go inside. She only knew that she had been drawn here.

Alex sat in his spot by Stevie's side. He was unaware how many hours had gone by. He was aware only of her. That she was here, but that she was gone too. He had sat in silence for the last little while. Hoping that on some level, she would be aware that he was right by her side, as he promised to be. He grew so accustomed to the silence, that at first he wasn't certain he had heard her make a sound. Was he imagining it?

He jumped to his feet. "Stevie. Stevie it's me." He said. For the first time in days he had seen some indication that she was there, that maybe she was listening, and all of a sudden all those profound and meaningful words he had longed to say to her had vanished. It was all he could do to blurt out "Stevie it's me"

His eyes were drawn to her face. He watched so closely, hoping for any sign of life. He reached his hands towards her face, so close he was almost touching her soft skin. He held back, as if to touch her now might cause her to retreat back into that dark far away place.

"Stevie?" He whispered softly.

It seemed like and eternity of silence. 

Finally he heard that sound he had been so scared he would never hear again, her voice.

"Alex" She said softly, simply, without opening her eyes.

He stood for a moment in disbelief. She had come back to him.


	9. Chapter 9

-1Alex stepped aside as medical staff entered the room. He slowly let go of Stevie's hand and as her hand slipped away from him thoughts crept up inside his mind.

Hearing her voice seemed like a dream. He had forgotten how sweet that sound was.

He had thought he would never hear it again. Hearing her say his name was the greatest gift he could have asked for. He thought back over all the times she had said his name, sweetly, lovingly, loudly.

_That day at the tree house. She climbed up the ladder, and he stood looking up at her, laughing to himself. She was so cute when she smiled like that. She looked so happy, so carefree. It wasn't often he saw her like that._

"_Alex!" She called. "What are you laughing at? And what are you waiting for?" _

He shook his head and decided to call Drovers and let everyone know Stevie was awake.

He sat back down waiting for the Drovers gang to arrive, or the Drs to come out of that room with some news. Surely she would be fine. They had told him all she needed to do was wake up, and now she had. She had to be fine.

_He held his laughter and reached for the ladder to follow her up to the tree house. He had fond memories of the place also. Nights they had spent alone together watching the stars from that tree house. Nights they had talked for hours about the future. Nights they had made love right there on the wooden floor. But to him, this was still a dusty old tree house and he thought of a million places he would rather take her._

Alex sat in the waiting room and hung his hands in his head. Tears clouded his eyes. Tears of joy that she had come back to him. Tears of regret for all the pain he had caused her. He wondered what would become of them now. How long would she be in hospital? Would she recover fully? Was she still angry with him? Would she always be angry with him? Would it ever be the same?

_She smiled at him as she took his hand and invited him in to her 'castle'. _

'_We need to do a few renovations" he mumbled as he hit his head on the roof. _

_He saw she had prepared a meal for him._

"_I can afford to take you to a real restaurant." He told her._

_They sat together as she poured him a drink._

Tess, Jodi and Kate rushed in the door asking Alex a thousand questions that he had no answers for. Thankfully the Dr emerged from the room at that moment and they all sat down. The Dr explained that all the tests were looking good, and that Stevie was very lucky she would make a full recovery. Alex saw tears of joy in Tess' eyes as she pulled Kate and Jodi close and hugged them.

Where's Rose? Alex wondered to himself.

"Can we see her now?" Tess asked.

"For a few minutes, and only two visitors at a time. You can expect her to be very tired so don't stay too long."

"_Ok we can fix the roof." She agreed "And maybe we can paint it a bit, and fix the ladder, and add some more furniture…."_

" _Hey I said a few renovations." He protested "And I told you, It would be easier to just build a new one."_

"_No!" She protested, horrified. "This one is special."_

"_What's so special about it?" He asked her leaning forward to kiss her._

"_It's ours." She replied when his lips finally left her own. "And one day our kids will play here."_

Alex had slipped away while the others were not looking. Stevie would be fine now that the girls were there, they would make sure of it. He figured he would be the last person she would want to see right now. Or maybe it was just that he couldn't face her.

_Alex looked down to the glass she had poured for him. Champagne. _

"_Are we celebrating something cowgirl?" He asked._

"_I hope so." She answered. "I mean, I hope you think so." _

_Seeing the look of confusion on his face, she decided to blurt it out and put him out of his misery. She took a deep breath, knowing that this wasn't in his plans right at the moment, but hoping he would be as happy as she was. "Alex, I'm pregnant." She said simply._

Tess turned around to find Alex, having assumed he would be the one who wanted to visit Stevie first.

"Alex?" She called down the empty corridor, but he was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

-1Stevie tried to smile at Tess, Jodi and Kate as they sat beside her hospital bed. They all seemed so happy and she tried to go along with it. But she felt so tired, and so confused, and no one seemed able to tell her exactly what had happened. She could tell her friends were keeping something from her. When she asked a question about what happened, Jodi and Kate didn't speak, they looked to Tess. Tess was the only one who would answer. And always with an answer that didn't answer anything at all. Stevie would have kept trying, but then the thought struck her, perhaps she really didn't want to know.

The one thing she did want to know was where was Alex. He was the person she longed to see more than anyone at that moment. He had been here when she first woke up. Or had she been dreaming? As she drifted in and out of consciousness she called his name, many times. She was sure she had heard his voice whispering in her ear. But as she called for him again and again, she received no answer. Only Tess, Jodi and Kate were beside her. And finally she gave up calling.

As things became clearer in her mind, she did ask Tess once where Alex was. Tess didn't really answer, she didn't have to. Her look explained that not only was he not here, but that he was not coming. And Stevie didn't ask after him again. She tried to hide her disappointment from the others, which proved impossible. She tried to count herself lucky that her friends were here for her, it was more than Alex seemed able to manage. But still, she had this compulsion to ask them to leave. She wanted to be alone with her fragile thoughts, her broken dreams, her precious memories. Before she could open her mouth to speak Tess took her hand. Stevie looked over to her with curiosity as Tess was suddenly smiling.

"I wasn't going to tell you, I wanted it to be a surprise, but I just cant keep quiet any longer." Tess announced. She was going to let Rose surprise her mother, but Rose wasn't here, and Stevie had looked so sad to hear that Alex wasn't coming. Tess had to do something to cheer her up, and this news would do nicely. It was probably the only thing in the world that could have brought a smile to Stevie's face right at that moment, and Tess couldn't resist.

"Tell me what?" Stevie asked, not really interested at that point, but glad the conversation had moved on from Alex.

"We have a visitor at Drovers." Tess announced.

"That's great." Stevie managed to reply, although it was hardly exciting. She didn't care to hear any more about it, but they were clearly waiting for her to ask, and so she did. "Who?"

"Your daughter." Tess answered.

"My daughter?" Stevie uttered.

"Yes." Tess nodded

"Rose?" Stevie asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Rose." Tess replied.

"What is she doing at Drovers?" Stevie asked confused.

"She came to see you. " Tess said smiling.

Alex wandered aimlessly through the fields of Drovers Run. He replayed that moment over and over again in his mind, that moment she had woken up, spoken his name. Every part of him wanted to turn back and run to her side, to hold her and to never let go. But something stopped him. He walked for hours. Until he came to stand at the tree house. He had somehow known he was heading here. He cast his mind back to a day weeks ago she stood at that exact same spot.

He had stood for a moment in stillness that day, watching her as she sat at the foot of that old tree. He wondered if she was aware of his presence. 

"I've been looking for you everywhere." He finally spoke.

_How difficult could it have been to find me Alex?_ she wondered. _Didn't you know I would come here?_ Instead she spoke calmly "What for?"

She waited to hear his response, looking to him, her eyes hopeful and fearful to hear his words.

He returned her gaze, suddenly feeling a great weight on his shoulders. As if what he says will somehow make such a big difference, will shape their future, will heal, or destroy. It was a responsibility he was not willing to accept.

"I just….." He began, unable to finish. _Think,_ He scolded himself _Why were you looking for her? Think what does she want to hear?_

But it made no difference. The words didn't come easily. Words had never been the way he reached her. He stepped closer towards her, she made no move as he sat beside her.

"I just wanna be with you." He said finally.

"Funny, that's not what you said last night." She replied coldly.

He sat looking down at the dusty ground. Indeed it was not what he had said last night.

He had said the wrong thing then, perhaps he had said the wrong thing now. But he was trying, really trying. Didn't it count for anything? So he made one mistake. Did it really have to end everything because of it?

"You're still angry." She stated.

"I'm not." He answered defensively.

"You don't even want to touch me." She accused him, noticing he was sitting as far away from her as he was able.

"That's not what you said last night." he threw back at her, but gently. 

"Fair enough." She conceded. Without adding how she hadn't meant those words when she yelled at him last night to never touch her again, or how much she wanted him to touch her then, how much she wanted him to touch her now.

He was trying really trying, but she wasn't making it easier. And in that moment it hurt too much to keep trying. It seemed they had all been right, Nick, Tess, Harry. All those people who told him it just wouldn't work out.

He looked over towards her for the longest time. She turned her head away, but his gaze never faltered. His words were gone, but he tried somehow to reach her with his eyes, somehow even though she refused to look back at him he hoped he could show her what he was feeling. But she sat still as a stone, her head and her heart turned away from him. And finally, sadly, he stood and walked away.

Alex shook his head to escape from the memories, and looked up towards the tree house. He wasn't sure what it was that made him climb up that dusty old ladder, only that he was somehow drawn there. He had finally come to accept this place was more than an abandoned old tree house. It was something special, at least it had been. Slowly he lifted himself up to the top of the ladder. It was then that he realised he wasn't alone.


	11. Chapter 11

"Rose." Alex managed to mumble, finding the teenager sitting in the tree house. He wondered how she had known about this place, how she had found it, had someone told her ? What was she doing here instead of at the hospital?

She looked to him momentarily, then continued staring out the window. He was one of them. Those people she once thought she could trust. She had no time to waste on him.

"Rose I am so sorry, the accident, you'll never know how sorry I am." He began feeling this need to apologise, a need to have her look at him. She looked so much like her mother, her hair shining in the sunlight, the way she turned her head from him to shut him out, and those eyes, so deep, so sad.

She didn't answer, and he felt she wanted to be alone. But this was his place, his and Stevie's, and he needed to be here .

"I thought you'd be at the hospital" he managed to say.

"What's the point? She cant hear anything I say, its all too late." Rose answered.

"Rose I thought someone would have told you." He said.

"Told me what?" She asked

"Your mother." it sounded strange saying 'your mother' but to say her name right now would have killed him."She's awake, she's going to be ok." He said scarcely believing it himself.

She sat still for a moment, "what?? You better not be joking with me." She told him angrily.

"Rose I wouldn't joke about that. This afternoon, she woke up. Tess is there, and the others, I know she'd love to see you."

Rose smiled for a moment, then her face fell suddenly. "It's probably still too late." She declared.

"How so?" he asked sitting beside her, glad that she was finally speaking to him.

"The awful things I said, everything that's happened, so many years of lies, I guess its all too late to make something good of it now." She explained.

"No Rose" Alex said forcefully, fighting the urge to shake some sense into her. She was so stubborn like her mother. So determined to believe the worst was true, of herself, and of those around her. "You've been given a precious second chance, Don't throw that away!"

"She must hate me." Rose said quietly.

"No, Rose. Never." He answered, sensing that she somehow needed someone to say it.

"What if she doesn't want to see me?" Rose asked. And Alex realised she was still so young, just a scared little kid.

"Trust me she does. She talks about you a lot. She still has your photos all over the cottage, you must have seen them?" He told her

"Yeah." Rose nodded. She had noticed her photo all over that cottage, the bedroom still painted her favourite colour, drawings she had made as a little girl hanging on the fridge.

"What if I'm not good enough?" Rose asked him "Stevie doesn't really know me, except for a few visits, and a few phone calls here and there. What if I'm not what she wants her daughter to be?"

"You don't think she worries about that too? About what you think of her, about what you want from her as a mother?" Alex asked. "Give it some time, I know you can work it out, one thing I know for sure- she loves you to bits Rose."

Rose smiled slightly, feeling better after Alex assurances. "Are you sure she's going to be ok?" Rose asked

"Yeah" He nodded

"Why are you so sad then?" Rose asked him.

"I'm not." Alex protested weakly.

"Did she say anything about me?" Rose asked, forgetting Alex and his sorrow almost immediately

"No. I didn't really have the chance to speak to her." Alex explained.

"Why not?" Rose asked him.

That was a difficult question to answer to anyone. So he just simply didn't answer. But Rose paid no notice and kept talking.

"I don't wanna go with mum, I mean Michelle." She said "Will you take me to the hospital?" She asked Alex.

The hospital. That place, not the building itself, but the fact Stevie was in it, was the first and last place he ever wanted to be. How could he explain this to Rose? How could he say no when he looked into those eyes, a younger version of her mothers eyes

"Sure come on." He agreed as they left that tree behind and headed back to the hospital, hoping that Rose would make her smile, where he only caused her tears, that Rose would touch her on a level that he couldn't.

Alex walked alongside Rose, he felt the need to hold her hand, not that she was a child and needed it, but that somehow he needed it.

"Your mother has been asking about you." The nurse at the desk told Rose as they entered the hospital together.

"Really?" The girls face lit up. She was just so little. So vulnerable, like her mother. It made Alex forget his troubles and smile for a moment, just a brief moment, at the young girls delight.

"Come in with me? Please?" She said to Alex.

"Oh." He stammered, unable to say no, unable to say yes.

"Please." She whispered. "I'm scared."

"Me too" he uttered inaudibly.

He could not deny Rose any more than he could have denied her mother were she standing here asking the world of him. Sensing his hesitation, the girl did take his hand and they walked together down the corridor. The corridor seemed shorter than her remembered. To short to compose something that his life depended on. Altogether too short it was senseless to try and think, but his mind whirled with excitement and fear. He felt the burden of finding some suitable words for the occasion. Words that might affect his lifetime. None came to him. There was so much he wanted, needed to say. So many months of silence. Silence from her, dead cold silence. But not from him. He had spoken. Whispered, shouted, sang. It was easier when he thought she not listening. Now she was listening, now his words counted, now his words were gone.

He needn't say much, he decided quickly, just to bring Rose. It was her moment with her mother, she was the one scared, the one with things to talk about, the one running words through her mind, and her anguish somehow dulled his own. He need only remember 5 word. He would not say her name. Just that word alone felt like it would kill him. He would smile, he would try hard to smile, and he would say _"__Look. I brought your girl.__"_He repeated it in his mind, not wanting to forget. But somehow it all got confused. _"__Look here is Rose, here is your girl, I brought her here, now I go, as you wish, but I cant go, not without saying I love you, I__'__m sorry, and I love you. Still, and always, and more than my very life, I love you. Thank you, for being ok, for being you, for just being. For being everything to me, everything and more,. That if I lost you I am less than nothing, and I would do anything to prevent that, anything, ask it and its yours, tell me what to say cowgirl and I say it, tell me what you wish, I grant it__…__tell me ..that everything can go back to being just the way it was__…__before. Tell me that and I can walk away, and I will be ok. Tell me all is not lost, tell me just tell me you love me. Stevie tell me you love me. I love you Stevie. Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie.__"_Her name echoed with his every heart beat.

He shook his head. Rose stopped outside the room fixing her hair. She turned to him "I should have got changed, done my hair up." She said quickly.

"You look fine, it will be fine" He assured her with the bravest smile he could manage.

He was so tempted in that moment to shove the girl in the door and run as far and fast as his feet would take him. But it was not possible. Rose stood, scared and nervous, and clearly not about to be the first one to step into the room. So he decided he must take that step. Grabbing her hand one again as if Rose would somehow save him from something, he took a deep breath to prepare himself, for what he was still unsure, and he ventured into the room.

It seemed that time stood still for a moment. He stood tall, the girl hiding behind him. Stevie was lying in that bed. Like she had been for months. But this time she turned her head to him as he walked in the door. Just that simple act nearly caused him to fall over. How many times he stood at that doorway longing for her to move, just one little bit, and she lay unresponsive, almost dead.

Her eyes locked with his, and had Rose not been standing behind him he would have fallen. How long he waited to see those beautiful eyes, to see them look right at him, just like now. In his confusion over his own state, he could barely make sense of the things he saw in her eyes. How was it possible to convey so many thing, so much stolen time, in just one glance? Rose tugged at his hand and he found it in himself to step aside.

"Look, I brought your girl." He managed to stammer, silently congratulating himself that he got his line right. This took her gaze away from him, and to Rose, and gave Alex the chance to catch his breath. In his shock he was unable to move, and observed silently as Rose cautiously walked to her mothers bedside and soon was enfolded into her embrace. He nodded slightly, thing would be fine for Rose, he had known that all along. He wondered if it would be that simple for him?

Then Stevie looked to him, without even a word to Rose. She looked lost for words too, and it made him realise he wasn't the only one who didn't know what to say, what to do. It was not only hard on him, and that thought gave him strength somehow not to turn and run as he wanted. He wondered how much did she remember? How much did he want her to remember?

"Alex." She said. Just one word. Just his name. But it shook him like nothing else could have.

"I…" He began, then remembered Rose "You two have a lot to catch up on. I'll see you later." he said slowly backing his way towards the door, but unable to take his eyes away.

"Will you?" Stevie asked him quietly, almost fearfully.

"Uh?" He responded, confused, already he had lost track of the conversation, and all else, lost it all in her eyes.

"You'll be back later?" She asked softly, her eyes pleading with him. And he could not refuse.

"Yes." He told her. One small word. But spoken to her it was a promise set in stone. He would be back, that was the only thing he knew for certain.


End file.
